I had a dream my life would be. So much different from this hell I'm living

So it's been awhile,  things have been steady.   Not great.  Just steady.  The move thing has been a blessing in disguise, although I'm constantly afraid of overstaying my welcome or doing the wrong thing.  Which I more then likely have done countless times already but I'm trying to be on my best behaviour  - honestly though in some days in the quite I just don't want to get out of bed or leave my room.  It sometimes takes all day to get going and then I get frantic because I should have swept the floor, cleaned the lounge room, done something more. 

One positive is that the cats seem to be adjusting to their new routine, they are still often doing things they shouldn't but they haven't broken anything or caused a major issue (that I know of).  They don't like having to be kept in the bedroom overnight, and I don't like having their litter box in my bedroom either, but there are just some sacrifices we have to make.   All in all I have been very lucky to land on my feet,  it took the last chunk of savings I had to move and although i'm a little nervous of becoming broke, I know in a few months or so the bank balance will look a little more cheerful. 

Uni this last semester turned into a complete mess, just when I was thinking that I would get a handle back on everything, it all imploded again.   It's taken some doing and changing part of my degree, but baring any more implosions I should be able to be a fully fledged university graduate at the end of the year!!  A full year more then what I hoped it would be but never the less I will finish this damn degree come hell or high water.  

What then I don't know.  Work of course, got to pay that huge monster of a HECS debt off some how and lets not even think about saving for what ever kind of future I might have left in front of me.  At this stage I'm just looking to get through these next few months and finish this long drawn out stage of my life.  

If you haven't guessed it already I'm having one of those nights again, can't sleep.  I think this is the third night in a row maybe... but can't remember - my memory is not so good these days it all blends into one another.  Doesn't help that I have run out of happy pills, I need to go get a new script from the doctor but as I hate my new doctor I've been avoiding it as long as possible - off to get it sorted tomorrow.   

Still trying to get this head of mine all sorted and 'fixed' up.  It's hard when you don't trust/like most Doctors - and when you do find one you like she goes and gets herself knocked up!!  (How rude LOL)  The last two or so years hasn't really changed much, I think I was in the wrong type of therapy, possible am even on the wrong type of meds.   I just know this merry go round never stops going around and around.  Going around in circles isn't much fun or healthy in the long run.  I have made a little progress, I have been lucky enough to get a new psychologists who seems to know what they are talking about and actually 'gets' me.   Cognitive Behavioural Therapy doesn't seem to work for me, I'm smart enough to know all that already, there is more going wrong in there.  There has been a big part of me that has always wanted more of a keen definition to what is going on, so I can understand it better and also so I can hopefully finally get a handle on it all the right way for once.   I didn't want any type of label but I just wanted to know what was/is wrong with me.   

Next week I get to see a new specialist and start this whole dance all over again.   Hopefully we can start to get some type of answer to change my future.