Words are only Words

~~> Me love ROD *drool* roflmao!

And it's true - I don't want to be angry no more - when you tell me that you love me you better know it for sure baby.

It's funny to be siting here laughing and smiling while I cry. Such a strange strange month for me.

I can not even put it into words.

Everything happens for a reason I am starting to understand them - starting to realise the leasons I have had to learn. I don't like them - there are things that I don't want to face but have no choice.

I promise I'll stop this soon. But for now I'm dealing and working through.

There are so many things in my life that I wish I had right now. So many things I have lost along the way to getting 'here' ... I wish I could get them back but there is no point wishing for the past anymore.

I miss my friends. They meant the world to me, right now I want to run to them and have them help me through this all... but they are gone - moved on - there is no going back.

there is only today.

And today - firstly I'm going to go to sleep, I'm going to hold myself while I cry away the last of these tears.

And in the morning - or afternoon when I wake, I'll get up and I'll face another day. But this day I will start it new. I'll start it with out the question - is today the day - because it's not. That day has been and gone. Today is just that today - and it's up to me to make what I will of it.

I'm scared out of my wits about Tafe again - after all if life has taught me any leasons it's that what I wish or dream for just doesn't come true - not the big ones anyways - So yes that scares me. But the only way it won't come true is if I sit back and let it.

So no more of that - I will as they say sezie the day.

This all could just be another load of BS and just words on a screen - only I will know that if I really do mean them and believe them...