Now that everything has changed..

I was just going through some photos of a very happy time in my life. Remembering the Peta back then. I liked her, she was so innocent, she had so much faith in the world....

I use to get so much joy from just doing things for others - to make them happy. It's not something I do much of anymore because I'm to worried about offending now. Sadly.

But I am so proud that I did this one thing. So glad I was able to do something special for someone who was a very wonderful person.

This week it a tough week. Last year I was praying for a miracle - a miracle to make a dear friend of mine better. But sadly that miracle didn't happen. And on the 26 July she passed away. She lost a long battle with MS. And while I was at least glad that she was no longer in pain I was so very sad that I would never get to see her again, and that all hope was now gone. It had been a long time since I had seen her, even talked to her - but not a day didn't go by that I didn't hope - hope that today would be the day that I would find out she's better, that she was in recovery and we'd all have her back. Losing hope is the hardest thing.

A lot of hard memories are now tied up in the memories I have.

But as I sit here thinking of her I can't help but think of the time before she got sick - when she was still 'well'. She had not planned to have a hen's night due to the fact her sister would still be in NZ ... And for a few other reasons also. I knew she was sad about it all, so I offered to throw her one myself - just a simple night out for dinner with friends... So we planned it all out and I have to say I am so proud that I did throw it for her. It was so much fun, the bride to be had a red veil with gold little butterfly's sewn on it, she also had a set of big gold and red butterfly wings - that I made! - and not only that most of the guest also got had their own little set of butterfly wings - black ones that where smaller- all of which I made as well!. [see photo]

The night was so much fun - each guest had their own little secret job to do - one person had to taste the bride to be's food before she could eat it - another had to be the bride for an hour - there was also the 'seat' wamer - if the bride left her seat for what ever reason the guest who was the seat wamer had to sit in the bride to be's seat until she returned. We also had the three wise woman [one of which was me!] - who had collect three 'gifts/soverniers' from the night for the Bride to be. I must admit the bride got most of the jobs that everyone had by the end of the night! It was so much fun!! :)

But the highlight of the night that just makes me start to cry... Through a bit of 'trickery' I got ahold of the sister in NZ's email address... And with her help I got to plan a very big surprise. I gave her the next best thing to having her sister there - a letter from her to read on the night. I'll never forget that moment, I'll never forget how that made me feel.

This past year I have suffered a lot of self doubt about the things I do. About the strength of my friendships and why I do the things I do.... Basically about the person I am...

And looking back on this day reminds me that the person I am isn't all that bad - that the rewards for it all out weigh the negatives. Because if I hadn't been that girl then I would never have done this. If I wasn't the person to just jump in and do things when my friends needed me - then I'd not have been able to have given her that moment. And I am glad that I got to show her what her friendship meant to me.

Sure some times I may have been over enthusiastic - but I would rather be that - then be the girl I am now... the one who second guesses and finds it easier to not just offer her help....