I want to go to the Beach

I hate the beach

I want to go and sit in the sands and watch the sun rise...

I hate getting sand all into every thing.

I want to just walk by the seas edge and let go.

It's so cold the water would be freezing.

I just want to say good bye...

I don't know why I suddenly feel this way, I know where the idea came from but I don't know WHY it came to me.

You see there is something coming up soon that I'm going to need to deal with. Something that I never got the chance to deal with before because I had to deal with everything else that went on afterwards - I feel as if my grief time was stolen that I never got to work through it in the right way. I can't explain this because to do so would mean that I would have to tell you a very long story and I don't want to tell that story anymore - I want to let go of it - say good bye to it and finally find some peace. Someone gave me a small piece of it months ago....

My emotions are HIGH as tonight -maybe everything is just catching up with me - or it could damn well be those hormones [shouldn't be surprised - it's still Monday after all]. I'm blabbering - so I'm going to take these tears - this bottle of vodka -[which I haven't touched - so no that doesn't explain Peta's current emotional outburst] - sit outside in the freezing cold and wait for the sun to come up...

Me thinks I need a good cry :) - i would go soak in the bath - but with water restrictions - and the fact that the bathroom tried to attack me this morning i think I'll not risk it - the cold night air sounds like a much better idea!