Finish this sentance...

I hate it when...

I hate it when friendships are over. When things change and things move on. While this is a natural everyday thing of life. Things MUST change... it doesn't make it sad any the less. I find that 'computer' friendships can be the worst for this. They seem so ebb and flow. Maybe it's because when I broke up with Stacy a large part of my support network was a group of girls online. Maybe it's something to do with the fact that I spend to much time online. On an old forum we once did a 'who's meat who' thing. It turned out that my list was the longest and I had meet over 100 people from THAT forum alone [this is not counting all the local scrapbooking met ups I have/had been to]. I was a meet up junkie. I love getting to know so many different people.

But the down side is sometimes hard. Take today for example. I was doing the catch up thing. Reading through my blog lines links. I went to the blog of an old friend. Someone who I once had a really great time to. I would have given anything to have been able to meet her in person at the time. Last year, I noticed she stooped commenting. I guessed when there wasn't even a congrats post or any kind of comment about the whole Stacy thing that she had 'left' me [hehe] but I still visited her blog and posted comments now and then.... less comments now days, but that is true on all blogs, I have become more and more a lurker then a commenter.

So today when I was catching up, for some reason my eye went to her "blogs I love" list... my heart sunk when I noticed that I was gone. I remember when I was one of the very few that where actually there....

And this isn't the only one. I think back on so many girls who I opened myself up to back then who are now gone from my life..... It wasn't as if we had a falling out or something 'explainable' like that - with those kinds of things you can understand when the person stops talking to you! haha. But these where just gradual... one day you are emailing, chatting, sending people birthday cards and letting them know you care... the next silence...... and one day you just realise you don't know that person anymore. Have no idea what is going on in their life.

I wonder if they have even noticed themselves? Will the one day stumble back into my path and go "I remember when we use to be friends, I wonder what ever happened."

I guess the reason behind this post to is that today I realised something that stopped me in my tracks. It has to do again with old Friends. This time thought this one had a 'cause' a fall out that had some pretty tragic side effects - for me. I realised while I still miss my old friends... it no longer hurts. Sure it makes me said and if you get me talking about it I'll cry. I always do. But there isn't PAIN anymore. Just sadness. When ever I thought about them about everything this hole would just open up and I would feel ripped in two. I couldn't think of it all with out being physically sick....

But some how... after what over a year and a half later.... I feel as if that hole has been mended. I can never go back I know because that hole would open up again. It's something that will always be with me, I'll always know its there... but I'm on top of it. I'm over it. I have moved on and let go.

I'll always wish that things could have worked out different, I'll always miss the people who meant so much to me through some of the roughest times in my life.... but I've let go of them now.

So... In other news. I'm in a scrap scrap mood, I think I'll go make another pretty layout...

and look here is two I have done....

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more to come - stay tuned - I have lots of dt goodies to play with.