Sometimes life is a little strange

Okay so bear with me, I'm feeling a little emotional right now.

Through a twist of fates, I ended up back in an old forum I use to visit, I was searching for a post by one of the members *waves a Pen* I came across a comment she [Pen] had made -all the comment said was about how Pen's heart was broken for this person and how she wish she could do something for them, I don't know why but there was something about her reply that made me want to open up the thread. I read it, it was from an Anon who had just lost her baby. My heart sank and I felt so sorry for whom ever they where.

In the next post the anon outed themselves. I nearly feel off my chair. It was someone I knew.

It felt so strange to read through it all again. To know that this had gone on in someone's life who was very important to me once. Someone who I use to talk to everyday, someone who I once spent a whole day in brisbane airport just to meet. Someone whom I use to be very very very close to.

It brought back a lot of sad feelings. I can't even being to explain just how sad I felt to realise again that now I'm so far removed from that old friendship.... with her and with others also.

There was a time when I would have been one of the first to know, not that she had lost the baby but that she was pregnate in the first place.

I can't help but just look back and see how much things have changed. How much my friendships have changed. It makes me cry and makes me feel as if a part of my life is now missing.

There was a few posts by a couple of other friends, you see we also use to spend time together on another forum, a more 'friends' forum that's kind of private and only a small group.... I sat there realising that this would have been talked about over there as well, that she would have shared this journey with the girls there too that they would have been there for her to talk to lean on and so forth.... once apon of time I would have been there too.

But that's not the worst thing, I actually sat looking at the post trying to work out if I should or shouldn't comment. In the end I did because I read it, I couldn't have walked away with out doing so as I would have felt worse then I do now. I wanted her to know I was still there and I still cared. Even if I never hear from her again.

Yes I could of turned to email or pm, but it just felt so weird to actually think of not commenting...

I feel a little bit lost again. I miss that part of my life so much, and I know I'm never going to get it back. Because all our lives have changed, we've all moved on and there is nothing really to go back to. I'm certainly never rejoining the world of ido - even when I plan [if ever] to get married, I'm not going to be rejoining the other forum [possible because I don't know where it went ROFLMAO!]...

I am sad that with everything that went on last year that we all grew apart. I know it wasn't just my own doing. I do feel a lot of guilt over my part in it all though and I have a lot of "I wish I had of's" ... but I guess it's just a natural part of life. The things that happened last year changed us all, some more then others.

I guess in another way too is this, it hurts to know that I'm the only one out of that little group that is back on their own - they all still have each other, they are all still there for one another. Sad in myself that I couldn't stick it out, that I wasn't strong enough to face the people who caused me some pretty serious hurt last year, becasue I couldn't deal with that, I lost being there for them.

Like I said I'm a bit emotional lol I think I'll go look at photos of the girls and of Stacy and remind myself that while life has changed in good ways as well....