Overwhelmed

I have so many things I could write here - so many things going on in my head...

so much to talk about -I've writen countless posts - and deleted them all as I don't want to share them - don't want to lay myself so bear - but not bear to you all - but bear to myself.

I like going for walks I think of so many things when I'm walking - things make sense then - but right now

Nothing makes sense.

I'm spinning.

I couldn't breath today.

I just wish I could curl up in someone's [anyone's] arms right now and feel the safety that comes with that... that feeling of you're not alone.

I don't know how I'm going to go tomorrow and I'm honestly affraid.

But of more then of not being okay - but of actually being okay - of actually forgetting at some point.

I can still remember clearly getting the call. Shell telling me - I can remember standing in line for the bus a Queen Street Station and talking to my mum crying on the phone and at the same time seeming so charm - so detached from myself. I remember coming home and not knowing what to do where to turn to. I remember being filled with an urge to call an old friend who I hadn't talked to for years - just to hear his voice...

I can't believe tomorrow it will have all been a year ago.....