Lost for ever

Okay I admit it. I've been bounceing back and forth ever since running into Stacy. I AM keeping myself [mostly] grounded though.

Today was a bit of a wallow day - weather was teriable, and I didn't want to do anything. I had way to much time to sit and think. So I decided to track down the old word file I once had on my computer - this was my "Letters to Stacy" file - I wrote in it all the things I wanted to tell him but couldn't, when I wanted to ring him I'd write it all out. I don't know if I should admit this but I wrote in it for nearly a year and half - of course a lot less after time had moved on I think there was five months between the last two entries.

I celebrated the day I deleted this file from my computer, it was a sign of me moving on. My friends at the time all celebrated along with me and where so proud of the fact that I had 'thrown it out'. What I didn't tell them thought was that I did have a copy of it on a disk somehere.

I don't know about any one else but I find it hard to throw personal letters out - hell I still have ones that I wrote to my girlfriends in high school in a little shoe box in a box somewhere... And after all each of those letters mark the progress I went through, my feelings and thoughts at the time - I use to love reading over them at times because some of them where quite funny and well writen [hey I wanted to be a writer remember].

Sadley I couldn't find it on any of the disks today. Somewhere deep inside I know it's gone for every - lost to the big ethos of the world. I feel lost with out it. I wish now I had never deleted it off my computer because I would still have it. Not only is that gone but all my blog entrys from back then have gone too - never to be seen again [I've had blogs before this one lol] I remember in there was one letter that I actually did send - it was a such an emotional and powerful letter for me... it was my "I love you - but I need to hate you now" letter ... I wish I could read it again to remember what I said and feel the strenght I had then - so I can be remember to be proud of the person I have become and maybe just to keep my feet/heart grounded again... :)


On the up side I did find a crap load of songs I thought I had lost. Music makes everything better doesn't it....

So anyways enough of my mentalness... LAYOUT TIME!!

{Credits: Fee's You & Me Kit at www.thedigichick.com, charm by Tracy Ann's downtown Adelaide Kit avaliable at the www.sweetshoppedesigns.com layout inspired by Rachael Giallongo}


{Main Credits: Robin Cartlton and Paula Duncan's Creme de menthe kit avaliable at www.sweetshoppedesigns.com, Extra Credtis: All about me word art by Corina Nielsen avaliable at www.plaindigitalwrapper.com, Michelle Collemans paint brushes avaliable at www.scrapartist.com, Flowers from Ali Folendore avaliabel at www.scrapbook-bytes.com, Splatter brush from Tracy Ann Robinson at www.scrapbook-bytes.com}


{credits: Painters box: Corina Nielsen Buttons: Lisa Whitney, downloaded from her Blog, Gems: Holly McCaig, downloaded from her blog. Tags: Sandra Boddington, from her Birthday Kit. Delightful: Jen Wilson from her Delighted kit. Paint Brushes: Stock Photos
Ribbons: Robin Carlton, from her Manda Manda Bo Bana Kit Words: Dani Mogstad from her Little Words Set. Charms: Tracy Ann Robinson from her Downtown Adelaide kit.
Paper Clip and Sweet: Fee Jardien, from her Apple Berry Pie Kit. Bulldog Clip: Fee Jardien from her You and Me kit. Dimaond Pin: Robin Carlton from her Closer to heaven kit. Happiness: Kimberly Giarrusso from her Serendipity Kit. Butterfly: Dianne Rigdon from her Loving Hands collection. Aplha's: Jan Crowely Flowers: Tracy Ann Robinson from her Random Blooms set.}