Silly Me
[please be warned this is a post that is about how I feel - and while I know the 'other' side of it all - that's not what I'm writing in my blog about. I know it's not 'that' importan', I know that it wasn't meant to come accross this way... but this is something that is important for me to get out so I can just move on]
Leaving a team is hard!!! I know it's my choice to leave and I know that its not the end of my DT spots - I do have two applications waiting to hear back on and I might just apply for the Scrapartist one who knows. But all of that had NOTHING to do with why I left my other teams.
Maybe I'm dilasioual maybe I'm just silly [hence the title of this post] but a lot of my 'heart' goes into my team work, I know I don't aways do everything - but then I'm not supper scrapper either [although I admire the girls that are].
So anyways - I'll get to the point of this all. It was a hard decision to resign from the ATD team, because not only was I leaving that team but I was also then leaving the Diva team as well - so in effect leaving two teams. After I finished writing my letter to Brenda to let her know about my choice I was asked to post up to let the other ATD girls know... I did this and then I thought that I best let the other Diva girls know as well... So I posted in the private section of the forum where the Diva's can post regarding things that are actually going on in the forum.
I can't even begin to explain what it was like to come on the next day to find that I was no longer able to access that section of the forum... I couldn't even see any replies that may have been made to my 'good-bye' post.
It wasn't like I was leaving then and there - I'm still planned to be involved in the site untill the end of the month and there was still 'lose' ends that I wanted to tie up.
Today I logged in to get back to work, and before I could even get to posting one post I stumbled accross something that felt like a big kick in the guts.
There is a new BOM challenge going on.
No that isn't want I'm upset about.
[digress] Some of you might remember when I first kicked off the ATD Bom challenge how excited I was about it all - and really how STRESSED I was about it all. The reason for that was becasue it was my first ever challenge and I wanted to make it a success for the ATD site and designers. I was nervous about how it would go and scared crapless that it would be a tottal dud and no one would take part.....
I guess I sucked at challenges. Yes for the first one it was 'okay' four people actually took part [one with a lot of begging on my part though hehe]. After Novembers I got pretty dissalousioned with it all yes. There was a point where I didn't think I'd take it through to 2006. But as I tried to tell myself there was a lot of contributing factors to WHY the challenge may not have been so 'enthsaticly' recived as I hoped.
But it was still my baby...and something that I fully intended to see through till the end of january and organise for it to be taken care of after I was gone....
See this is where I get a little silly... [yeap even more silly really] it broke my heart to see that there was a new bom challenge because I felt like I had been shut out on it all. That all that time I had put into it meant nothing and this was the thanks I got. Not even to have any input into it - and not even that really - just not to be a part of the change over sucked. I feel like I have already left the team. And now I know this is really a very silly statment - I thought I was a vauled memeber of the team - and to find out that you are just 'throwoutable' kinda hurts. Quite honestly for the first time I'm starting to understand WHY other DTM's never seemed to get so involved in the process... becaues maybe they knew something that I didn't.... That at the end of it all it's just business.
6 comments:
Peta I feel terrible that you are feeling this way! I can't speak for everyone but I for one felt like losing you from the Diva team was a huge loss! You bring so much to the group...your talent, your support & encouragement and your personality! Your posts always make me chuckle at the very least. It saddens me when others are feeling down and/or unappreciated. Know that there were many replies to your announcement post in the Team forum! I'm sorry you weren't able to see them all. If I were in your shoes, I would be upset about that also.
Peta - I'm so sorry you are feeling "out of the looop" and "throw-away-able". I'm sure it wasn't intended that way. Though I'm sure if you made your intentions clear to remain on until the end of the month they should have left your access and consulted at least about the challenge and when you would be resigning that area of your duties ;(
I hope this doesn't affect your insiration to scrap and GO FOR IT! Apply to other teams! All teams are not the same :)
Aww thanks Emly and Amy you've both made me smile!!
Amy ...nice to see you and excuess me while I pick my jaw up off the ground ROFL. WoW I feel very specail now!!
Emily I think the fact that's what was biggest thing that I feel let down over - not getting to see the replies to my post felt like i was kicked out the door and 'punished' for leaving... but I understand it I mean a members leaving you don't let them still have access to private areas do you.. :(
Peta I am shocked that after saying you would stay on til the end of the month you were locked out like that.... I just don't quite understand that. I know I haven't been very active as a Diva lately but this is what I had posted to you in the private forum
" don't leave us! you are loved... and at least stick around so we can still see your fab work..."
You are irreplaceable!!!! HUGS!!!
Awww...hunny!! I didn't know you didn't still have access to the forum...I posted that I was sad to see you go, but that you aren't allowed to leave the diva site altogether, or I'd hunt you down. ;)
As for the BOM thing...I wasn't around before November, but there has been SO much new activity since everyone teamed up, I'm sure they weren't trying to replace you...just get the interest started again.
I'm sorry you're feeling upset...I know how hard it is to leave a team (I feel alot like you do in regards to what it means to be on a team and what it requires of you, more than the "minimums"). But, we all still care about you, chica...don't let yourself get down!! Have a hug from me!
Well, I continued to read and found this and I've got to comment here too. There are a bunch of comments on your thread in the closed area, and if no one else has offered to copy and paste for you so you can see them, I will. Just PM me.
As I said back last month, ALL of the challenges were running slow in late November and all through December, including Quotes which I run. In fact, because Quotes actually started at the end of December, the current one is running slow.
That had NOTHING to do with you or how you were running it. It was all holiday related. I liked your take on the BOM; in fact I was one of the people who did that challenge.
I loved your interaction at Diva and I hope you stick around.
Stella aka Starling
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